She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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