and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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