My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we're making bets on your personal life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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