So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize