I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
