He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
