I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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