Small penises have feelings too.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
