Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
