I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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