friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
