so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
