Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
