At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
