Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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