Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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