I CAN MOONWALK!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
