You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
