Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
