ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I love having hate sex.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
