If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
