even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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