Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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