summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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