girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
