When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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