You really coming over, don't trick.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
