searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
