Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
