Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
