i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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