Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
