Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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