ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
