You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i think i just lost a toe
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
