I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
