I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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