Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
