I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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