I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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