I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
