and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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