i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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