Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So here I am, sexting at work.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
