Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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