bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And then my night got REAL pukey
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
