Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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