can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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