is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
