I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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