I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
