its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm having to shit out rocks
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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