The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
