i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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