i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
