I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
