Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
