He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
