apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize