Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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