I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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