doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
sex in a hospital.. check
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
