This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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