I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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