We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
