All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
