I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
