so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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