So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
