i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
